Friday 23rd November 2007 Richard, I have been asked to make this contribution to your memorial and I just fell so sad and it all seems so surreal. Almost a week on from your death and I still can't believe you have gone. It has taken me 4 days to write this because it has been so painful losing you and writing about you has bought back so many memories of you, me, us, our family. For the first time since you have gone, I feel your presence, I am sitting at my computer and I feel you sitting behind me. I can feel you and it makes me feel stronger. I know you are looking at me pensively and if you were here physically you would tease me for being so emotional, but only half-heartedly because you were the most sensitive of all of us. And then I know you would hug me and give me a big kiss and then crack a joke. You would never have wanted any of your family to be sad, it was in your nature to love and care, you were so kind, innocent and pure. Your illness blighted your life and prevented you from reaching your full potential and becoming the person that you wanted to be. We know that but ultimately Rich you were about love. You loved and were loved by everyone that new you. Please dear Richard read on. My dear brother Richard Young was born on 22 December 1965 he was the fourth son of Astley and Rosemary Young. His older brothers are Lester, Gary and Paul. Rosemary went on to have Joanna (me) and Astley had 3 more children; Ashley, Gay and Arthur. Not forgetting our dear Chrissie there were nine of us. Soon After Richard was born his parent separated and Richard, along with Lester and me were brought up by our mum. His other brothers Gary & Paul stayed with their Dad. Although Richard and I became distant over the years we were close as children. This is the time when I really new my brother. It was not easy for my mum bringing us up as a single parent and times could be hard but Richard and I were there for each other. We fought like a cats and dogs, laughed together like hyenas but we both new that we loved each other deeply. Richard attended Bond Road Primary, Alphea Middle School and then Tamworth Manor all in the Merton Area (London). He was very popular and well liked by both his peers and teachers. He seemed to have it all, he was handsome, bright, an all round sportsman (football was his passion). He showed a real talent for acting, always landing the lead in school plays, "Cabaret" being the most memorable for me. What a great voice! Although Richard was bright he did not really apply himself, he was far more interested in kicking around a football or swinging a cricket bat. I am four years younger and we both went to the two of the same schools. Being Richards's sister was like being handed a popularity ticket, which meant I did not even have to try very hard to fit in because Richard was so well liked and respected. He left school at 16 and started training to be a surveyor. He did this for about a year but I don't think he enjoyed working outdoors and the job involved a lot of travelling. He then opted for a job with BT where he stayed for a couple of years and seemed quite happy there. Things started going wrong for Richard, when he was about 18. He split up from his girlfriend who was his childhood sweetheart. It was not because they did not care for each other or that they had outgrown each other. Debbie's dad would not accept Richard simply because of the colour of his skin. Subsequently their relationship crumbled under the strain. This quite literally crushed Richard and he never did seem to bounce back from this. Richard was always an extremely sensitive person. The years following this he was quite lost and searching for some "meaning" to life. He found this in his early twenties when he found God. From about the age 20 to the age of 24, Richard became deeply involved with the "Church of Christ". Finally he seemed to have found something and somewhere where he felt safe and a sense of belonging. This is not to say that we - his family felt the same way. Richard initially spent all of his time trying to convert us and when that failed he became increasingly distant. His church friends were now his "family" and he seemed to need us less and less. He was encouraged to evangelise at every opportunity and he spent many an evening doing this on the northern line tube. I remember one occasion I heard this beautiful singing and I looked down the carriage and it was my brother singing his heart out. As soon as he saw me he stopped and his big cheesy grin appeared. We both laughed hysterically when the brief case he was carrying started emitting his shaving foam! It is all a bit of a blur now, but I remember Richard becoming very distant and "strange" and I blamed it on religion and the church he was involved in which at the time seemed so suffocating. It was difficult to have a conversation with him as he would quote from the bible and try to convert me to God. One day in 1989 we got a call from one of Richards church "brothers" saying that he was behaving strangely. This was Richards's first psychotic episode. I was not there at the time and being the youngest I think my brothers always try to shield me, which I am thankful for. However none of us knew what was going on, but we all realised that something terrible was happening to our brother and it was completely beyond our control and we had very little choice but to have Richard hospitalised. Soon after this he was given the dreaded and widely misunderstood label of "Schizophrenia". Life was never really the same again.for any of us. My poor brother, he was placed on a locked ward and pumped full of medication, this would ensure, that he would never think or feel again! I will never forget the time I saw him in hospital after his first episode, I was terrified, and he was unrecognisable. I will never forget the terror I felt when I looked in his eyes; Richard was no longer there. I saw this look over the years, the last time one day before he died. And it still had the same effect on me. I am afraid to admit that I did not cope very well when Richard was ill like this. Once the medication took hold he would begin to resemble Richard again but I feel we all lost the real Richard after his first psychotic episode when he was 24. For the next six years or so Richard relapsed countless times, and would go back into hospital - the medication simply did not help at times. Richards illness was devastating not only to him but to our family too. Richard went from being a bright, healthy active young man to someone so drugged up with medication that all he wanted to do was eat and sleep (side effect of the medication). His weight ballooned and for a period he was unrecognisable. Thankfully things did improve however, in his early thirties he was put on different medication that agreed with him and had a new lease of life. He started dating Chantal, working and things were really looking up for him. Life was really looking good for years, I think there was a period of about 8 years where there were no hospital admissions and his health started to stabilise. This all changed in September 2005 and it was the pattern of things to come. Richard stopped taking his medication. I know it was largely because he hated the fact that he put on so much weight. Each time he stopped he would loose weight and there would be glimpses of the real Richard for a brief period, but this did not last long and the hallucinations and delusions would return. This resulted in hospitalisation or him being banged closely monitored and supervised to take his medication until he returned to "normal". We impressed upon Richard the need for him to take his medication and he was intelligent enough to know it was vital for his well-being. So why continue to stop taking it? We know his weight was an issue for him and I know he was fed up of feeling lethargic and drugged and living half a life. Maybe he started to feel human - if only for a brief period when he stopped. Maybe he was just exhausted, tired, fed up of popping pills and just wanted some normality. What we do know is that Richard stopped taking his medication about four weeks prior to his death on November 17th 2007. I saw him about 3 weeks ago at Becky's birthday dinner and we were all surprised at how well Rich seemed. He was chatty, lively and his humour was back with a vengeance. It was lovely when Richard was like this because his illness and medication often made him very quite, withdrawn and impenetrable. We don't know how Richard died and won't know until the findings of the inquest in January 2008. The comfort in all this is that we know that Richard is not suffering any more, he is not in pain, he is at peace. Schizophrenia is a terrible and terrifying illness, I have so much respect for you Rich, you were a real soldier. You never complained, you were so brave and strong; the latter part of your life must have been so difficult for you. I will miss you dearly, we all will. I close my eyes and I can see your face in front of me. Your soft brown eyes and that huge smile that you could never quite contain and which always broke free. As you said this was your path and what a difficult one it was for you but you walked it with your head held high, with integrity and grace. You have touched everyone that knew you and I for one feel blessed having you as my brother albeit for a short time. Knowing you, loving you has and will make me be a better person. I believe that your soul will live on and that we will meet again in one form or another. Until then please now that you are loved and in our hearts and minds you will never die. Love you bro xxxxxxxx